sepesp

yeah. so that's how it goes. contentment never really reach me. i dunno why. i'm not even that hard to please anyway. i started feeling that life is full of nothing. i hate things more and more. i get tired even if i'm doing nothing, maybe i just wanted to do something.

I hate those person who think high of themselves, think that they're always right. so what if I look like this? you can't tell a person by how we looks. you just act childish that way.

argh.

i can't help it but feel like dying. as if it's the only solution i have. life just get worse when other's life is at best.

so much for these insecurities. life won't get better with that. stop envying them. just live or leave.

Currently listening to: people talking and rambling
Currently reading: anne rice - mayfair witches
Currently watching: deathnote
Currently feeling: uncomfortable

sepesp

Outside, beyond what is right and wrong, there exists a vast field.

We will find each other there.

Currently listening to: Epica - Cry of the moon
Currently reading: Paolo Coelho - Like The Flowing River
Currently feeling: peaceful

why? what have i done?

....it was approximately 8:45 in the morning; I had my head on her shoulders, holding her in her arm; it was when then I shed my first tears for her.

--

One Saturday morning, after my Friday night work, I decided to surprise her by heading straight to her home. Well, I think she wasn't surprised at all, as she was busy reading a book. As I entered the door, I asked her, "Why?" pertaining to what we've talked about last night, specifically to those words she said to me. She just said that she doesn't know. Then we've started talking about things. She suddenly got mad at me due to some reason.

At some point, she's been getting mad at me really quick over small things recently. She said because I've changed or whatever. She started being cold at me at times, which leaves me to feel being pushed away, once again.

I was seated right next to her. She's still reading the book, and it was approximately 8:45 in the morning; I had my head on her shoulders, holding her in her arm; it was when then I shed my first tears for her. I knew then that I was hurt.

--

Where are we headed now?

All I know is that I love you. I don't want to lose you....

Currently feeling: nothing

sepesp

well, i've just decided to write a blog. the reason, i just don't have anything else to do, and i'm really bored. besides it's been so long since i've posted and updated my blog.

here i am, sitting at my station in the office. nothing much to do, and i just don't want to do anything else, other than, of course, the work assigned to me, which is to transcribe voicemails and convert them into e-mail.

i've been working here at my current work for almost 1 year and a half now. i'm confident that i've done so much and had been an asset for this company. for which, i still haven't been given much greater opportunity, not even a salary increase. however some of my colleagues had been given an increase.

that's the main reason why i feel apathetic in giving my full potential at work. i've been thinking to seek for another job. though i'm not yet done with my resume. hopefully things would get better.

i guess that's it for now. i just want to write something. my thoughts. whatever.

nothing much.

sepesp

Is it me or is it just the workplace? many things have changed, but it seems that it was still the same old things. it's just getting frustrating more often. doing the same thing, everyday. Yeah, actually working for me isn't that hard, because 70% of the time I spend at work was always spent doing all kinds of stuffs, unrelated to work. I should just be glad that I'm getting paid even if I only give 30% every day at work. I can give my 100%, but of course, for a better price.

Still, everything seems not right anymore. I'm just getting more apathetic every day. I've always been living my life in a ROUTINE, which isn't fun at all. I'm looking for a brand new beginning, a more meaningful life, to find the path of success. Opportunities will come across. I just knew it.

I can't just go with the flow, because only dead fish swims with the flow. I have to fight and go against the current.

Life bores me.

Damn.

sepesp

It's Monday, January 26th at 2:22 in the morning. I'm at the office. At "work." Sitting, in front of a machine called a computer, waiting for "work" to come.

And suddenly I felt bored. Apathy fills my body from toe to head.

A lot of things are running around my head. I'm full of thoughts, concerning one thing.

Am I doing the right thing? Am I really in the "right place" today?

Or something else awaits me. Something better than what I have now.

I'm not really happy anymore with my job, or I could say that I really lost interest.

It seems like I was in a routine once again. Tomorrow and Yesterday will always be just the same.

As if that I won't expect for something far greater than yesterday.

I'm needing something else.

I've been figuring out what do I really need.

And I've just figured it out.

I need GROWTH. Particularly on CAREER.

Currently feeling: apathetic

sepesp

when we've done something wrong, someone would get mad at us. really mad.

sometimes, when a person gets mad, a lot of things could come out from his/her mouth. these things could really hurt someone. we just can't control ourselves when we're really mad. we're out of control.

even on a loved one. no matter how we love each other, when suddenly we became angry, we could speak of things that could hurt big time.

when these things are uttered, we lose the value of what's between us. one mistake, destroys all the joy we've had.

we might be hurt, we might think of really sad things, but still everything could be resolved.

I may be stupid, I may be clumsy, but I LOVE YOU!

sepesp

It's a brand new year. 2008 was a good year. Will 2009 be a better year?

A lot of things happened, a lot of people came in our life.

Will they still be part of our another year?

Friends will always be friends.

-

I haven't posted anything for a while, and I can't think of anything to say anymore.

This will be it for now.

Happy New Year